“Missed” Connections: Get Back In Your Friend-Zone

Motherhood is everything that people tell you it is: beautiful, messy, chaotic, fun, exhausting, rewarding, and frustrating. One thing that may have surprised you, though, is just how different your social life can be.

Motherhood is everything that people tell you it is: beautiful, messy, chaotic, fun, exhausting, rewarding, and frustrating. One thing that may have surprised you, though, is just how different your social life can be.

You’re not alone. In late 2016, the Daily Mail surveyed 2,000 new mothers to understand their experiences. Of women surveyed, 55% said that what they missed most about their pre-baby life was a social life.

Meeting other women with whom you can connect—as moms, as colleagues or as friends—can suddenly feel intimidating and overwhelming. But, taken bit-by-bit, it’s absolutely doable. Here are a few tips to ease you into the process and get you back in the friend-zone.

Shift Your Perspective

When you feel alone, it’s easy to assume you are alone, but the truth is that many women are struggling with the same social challenges you face. Each time you meet a potential friend and feel anxious, chances are that she does, too. By reminding yourself that you are both probably feeling the same way, you can alleviate the stress you feel approaching social situations.

Know What You’re Looking For

Are you looking for a good friend, a professional colleague, or a mom-and-kid combo for casual play dates? It’s important to think about what kind of relationship you’re searching for so that you can be on the lookout for the qualities you want in each. No relationship type is one-size-fits-all, so by considering your needs you will save you (and your friend) some heartache.

Check Out Potential Matches

Finding women online is a great ways to get to know someone, before you actually meet. Maybe you have noticed that someone is posting about a cause you’re passionate about, or is in a similar career field, so you feel instantly connected. Similarly, in apps like Cardamom, you can check out other moms’ profiles for a tremendous amount of valuable information about potential friends. And remember, moms on Cardamom are looking for friendships too, so you’re starting on a common ground. By getting to know people online first, you can take the awkwardness out of those first moments after you “meet” by staying in your comfortable space.

Play the Numbers

You’ve met thousands of people in your life, yet you probably only have 10-20 that you’d call your closest friends. It’s the same now: you may meet hundreds of women but only connect with a few. By understanding the probability of clicking with someone, you can save yourself some frustration when things don’t work out.

Take the Pressure Off

Loneliness can feel like a tremendous weight, and as a result our desire to make friends can take on more and more importance—and pressure. By understanding that there is time to meet and make friends, you can relieve some of the stress you feel to make things “work.”

Cardamom is a great way to stop missing those old connections and getting back into your pre-motherhood “friend-zone.” Friendship can make all the difference in motherhood.

What is your greatest obstacle when making new friends?

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